Tag Archives: Joy

Road Trip

It’s easy to forget your worries when you’re singing Michael Jackson songs on the A259. All those fears seem a million miles away when you’re on the road with the one you love. Who, incidentally, knows every word and inflection to every song, something your childhood self would have lost her mind about.

We visited my brother and Sister-in-law in Kent this weekend and it was perfect. It felt like a holiday, a break away from home. At one point I commented that it was nice to be by the sea and it was pointed out that I actually live in a seaside City. Visiting the harbour shouldn’t be a novelty but it feels like one. 

So there I found myself, on the Harbour Arm with a Peach Bellini in my hand and the wind in my hair, feeling nothing like the person I was talking about to my Sister-in-law. Nothing like the angst-ridden late-thirty something crying at a bus stop just three days prior. 

I always think about this, how easy it is to forget when you’re yammering away, soaking in other people’s hope and fears, all their excitements. I’m not alone and I know this for a fact and yet, as the days draw to a close I feel like I must be the only person worrying about this stuff.

It’s nice to know that’s not true and of course it isn’t. It’s good to say a thing out loud and have your companion say “I completely understand.”

I’ve been talking about not being fine since I started this blog last week and people are great. The people I choose to share it with anyway. Not everyone needs to hear it. 

Nobody has been surprised and I think that’s telling. I thought my loved ones would be shocked to the core that someone as together as me could feel this way, but I don’t think I’ve given them enough credit for knowing me. 

Anxiety is a part of me and I’ll shuffle up to allow it room. I can accept I need help and that this is one of my characteristics but there will be no letting it get away with too much. I’m going to learn how to deal with it, how to live with it in the background. 

Incidentally, have you ever seen The Babadook? That film has the greatest depiction of what living with depression and grief can be like, it moves me every time I think of it. Check it out. 

So, yes. This weekend was a good one. Now to smash Monday. 

How was yours?

Ready, Set, Done

Our ten-minute free-write is back! Have no mercy on your keyboard as you give us your most unfiltered self. Via The Daily Post

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An accurate photographical depiction of where my head’s at

I’ve recently been doing so much proofing and other stuff for work, and stressing while I do it, that my own creative endeavors, even reading my choice of literature at the end of an evening, has gone out of the window.

This is turn, I really believe, makes me a very dull human being indeed. I need to be stimulated, creating, thinking to make this thing called life work. Without it, I am nothing but a drone.

What is the point without passion? This week has been an angry week without creative joy and I know it is my responsibility, and well within my own power, to change this.

So Pretty Woman is on Netflix (hey, the soundtrack is exquisite) and I’m going to free flow this bad boy and clear my head for a fresh and exciting new week. You in?

Where to start? First off, it’s so damned cold out. Have you ever noticed that the conversation is already over the minute the person you’re speaking to starts talking about the weather? It’s such a British thing to talk about how hot/chilly/wet it is out there.

My best friend and I used to consider small talk of this nature the nail in the coffin of conversation. Working as Baristas, it’s all we’d talk about.

“How are you?”
“Cold.”
“… What can I get you?”

The Art of Conversation was not designed to be mastered over the condiment counter, of course so I probably shouldn’t be so hard on the people who have just walked in, probably to avoid talking to anybody. It’s why I go for coffee, after all – for the peace and quiet.

So it’s cold and I’m actually happy about that. Coats and boots and scarves and hot chocolate and blankets; they make me happy. PJs to walk up the road to my BFF’s house make me happy. New hats make me smile.

I like cosy. I am staunchly pro-hibernation.

I don’t like my job at the moment, despite the amazing people I work with (mostly). I like the actual work for the most part and have been given the opportunity to do a little bit of writing, which of course is what I would like to be doing professionally. But I despair of the office politics.

I feel sometimes as though I am losing myself. I hate having to bite my tongue, be patient with stupid people. I hate having to shrug and accept things that anyone can see aren’t working. Sadly, as an assistant there’s not much I can do about that right now.

Perhaps the answer is to look elsewhere for professional fulfillment but I’ve put in the time, done the work, worked my way up; why should I? I feel like I should see it through and stay committed. Like a pitbull with a bone between her teeth.

I guess all I can do is wait and see, quietly work out what’s best for me.

Elsewhere, life is good. Life is hard but good and joyful. Life would be boring if it were perfect, I guess that’s one way to look at it.