B•F•R•W•W – The New Digest

The things I am currently digging in five easy categories – Bingeing (TV), Feeling, Reading, Watching (Films), Writing.

Bingeing

There’s a lot going on TV wise this Autumn/Winter but the most exciting is Pose Season 2 which has already succeeded in making me sob like a baby five minutes into the first episode. I’m trying not to smash the whole series in a day but it’s very moreish.

This season is centered around Madonna’s Vogue record, inspired by the NY ballrooms – House ma Blanca (Mj Rodriguez) is convinced this will bring the community mainstream acceptance while Pray Tell (Billy Porter) has seen it all before. Both are dealing with the HIV epidemic and fighting for their human rights – while Elektra (Dominique Jackson) is enjoying the spoils of her new (so far secret) career and Angel (Indya Moore ) is taking the fashion industry by storm. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend this amazing show – it is everything.

Obviously I’m all over Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK as well. Team Divina all the way.

Also watching: WatchmenSwamp ThingThe Young OffendersCreepshow

Feeling

I’ve decided not to fight Christmas this year – so I’m feeling festive. I didn’t get it at all last year so honestly fuck it, why not ride the wave with everyone else? My manager has already put up her tree and I’ve so far watched more Christmassy flicks than I care to admit – I’m saving Love Actually (2003) and The Holiday (2006), don’t worry. I’m thinking of making my own Christmas cards too – which is frankly obscene.

It’s also my birthday in just over a week and I wasn’t going to do anything but got talked into at least having an intimate dinner so there’s that to look forward to. There are six of us and I’m going to put on a new dress and false lashes – and enjoy the excellent company. I know I’m loved and completely blessed – and I am forever grateful for my loved ones.

Reading

Yes I’m reading more Stephen King – it’s the perfect time of the year for spooky and Christine is a wonderful story. My horror soulmate Matt is reading it at the same time and the regular check-ins with each other are the best bit. I will admit to finding this slow going though. It’s not Christine’s fault – I love it when I dip in – I think it’s honestly because the book’s so physically heavy, and it’s harder to read in the tub (my prime reading place).

I promise to review it when I’m done.

Also reading: My Favorite Thing is MonstersBuffy (Comics)

Watching

I’ve just re-watched Nerve (2016) on Amazon Prime, which was a lot better than I remembered – and I bloody love Emma Roberts. I’ve filled you in on Doctor Sleep which was v. good and of course, my shameful Christmas consumption.

My next cinema visit is to see Last Christmas with Helen on Tuesday – which I feel will be the final ingredient needed to get me feeling appropriately festive. I’m pretty sure I’ll be ruining my make-up for Emilia Clarke and I’m cool with it. Crying is cathartic, yo.

Also watching: Before I Wake (2016) • Gerald’s Game (2017) – I’m very much having a Mike Flanagan revival.

Writing

I wrote this, didn’t I? That’s about it on the writing front, unless you count the assessments I’ve done for my advanced Wicca course which is so fun. I’m loving it. I’ve submitted my first four assessments and come out with a 97% pass rate so far. I’m considering doing Astrology and Tarot next.

What are you up to?

Kindness

It’s so easy to laugh
It’s so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind ~ I Know It’s Over, The Smiths

It was World Kindness Day a few days ago – I know this because my colouring app told me and gave me a couple of bonus pictures to celebrate. Which was very nice but it also got me thinking about true kindness. Is it possible to be kind all the time? Is there a certain level of kindness you have to hit before you qualify as a proper kind person? And what about kindness to yourself?

You see? It’s a lot to think about and I don’t really know where I’m going with any of this. It’s just sometimes I find myself wondering, when I’m promoting kindness to others (via the medium of meme) – and walking around with the lyrics from the song quoted above tattooed on my arm – whether I even qualify.

I think generally, most of us are decent at the core but all of us could stand to be kinder. Even if all that means is keeping an eye out for the dude you sit next to at work, or asking a crying stranger if they need anything.

I wonder all the time whether I’m a decent person, sometimes I truly believe I’m not. Kindness is something I aim for every day but there are always obstacles that derail my intention. Like someone being a know-it-all brings out my decidedly unkind side.

I recently made a new friend who it turns out might not be my cup of tea after all – and I know my pulling away has been confusing and possibly hurtful for them. I haven’t been horrible but I feel really guilty about the situation, like maybe I need to make more effort – except I’m not sure I have it in me mentally to just ignore my instincts.

What I don’t understand is how easily we’ll think about others and ignore our own needs. Being kind to ourselves counts. And all this is just a delicate balancing act.

I say be kind wherever possible and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t manage it 24/7, you’re not a Stepford Wife. As long as you’re not going out of your way to be a mean bitch and you’re not hurting anybody, you’re doing okay. As with most things, intent is key. We can all strive to be good people and for the most part, I think we are.

Keep an eye out for those around you, do a good deed every now and again just for the hell of it – it is honestly way more satisfying to put good out into the world than bad.

So happy belated World Kindness Day.

How’s it going?

On Hold

Much as I enjoy the lead up to the day itself (and I mean like, the week before), I always sort of resent Christmas. I’m no Scrooge but it puts a spanner in a lot of things, don’t you think? Finances for one, normal life for another.

Rather than grumble about all that though I’m choosing to look at it from a more positive POV. On the flip side of how inconvenient it is, there’s also the fact nobody can have a go at you for taking the rest of the year for yourself and putting big plans on hold ‘until the new year.’

This is exactly what I’m going to do with the rest of 2019. I’m going to potter, do some more drawing (which I’m terrible at but LOVE)*. I’m going to concentrate on my Wicca and my spells, beef up my Book of Shadows and just generally be all about that modern witch life.

I will turn 42 on the 25th quietly and efficiently and apart from a tiny bucket list I’ve been working on I will not be making any serious moves until 2020, beyond voting in the general election on the 12th December.

It’s all going to shit in 2020 anyway so I may as well surround myself with the people I adore and the things I like doing until then. After that I can take each day as it comes and get a new job/move/finally buy a decent duvet one step at a time.

So yeah, plans are officially ON HOLD. You can catch me tending to myself for the next two months.

I’m not even going to moan about Christmas, I swear. I’m just going to roll with it.

*I’ve found a 30 day drawing prompt for November that has you reimagining a whole deck of tarot cards. I can’t wait to get stuck in and I might even share them if they’re not truly horrible.

November Rain

I fell asleep last night full of creative plans for this lovely fresh month and now it’s here, I’m not really sure what those plans were. I’ve had 8 hours and some v. vivid dreams since then. I think really all I wanted was to come up with a solid plan for the rest of 2019 and sweep out the Halloween for another year, much as it pains me.

I’m so indecisive about the look I want for my blog – it really does change as often as my mood. I want it clean then I want it colourful, I want it flooded with images – then like a long form journal. I need to land on something and love it for what it is. Technically the content should speak for itself and honestly, who am I really doing this for? Only myself and the three lovely people who read it.

I’m quite conscious that there are too many film reviews, which I love doing but this was never mean to be a full-on film site – and I think maybe I use these as fillers where I could be digging deeper. That’s often my biggest criticism of myself, I fail to dig deep enough, even when I’m talking about the dark days. I’ve always wanted to be authentically myself and I think I am but there’s more I could share, more going on beneath this picture perfect exterior. LOLLLLL.

Perhaps I’ll go balls to the wall from this post onwards. Can you handle it? I’m not sure I can handle it. It’s raining like a motherfucker out there and is so windy that work lost all power for 20 minutes and it was great. I’ve spent the afternoon indoors re-watching Spaced and loving life. Nesting is the best.

I’ll pull my finger out when the rain stops and the weekend is over.

Happy November all.