Yesterday I was reminded of one of the single most embarrassing things I have ever done.
Many, many, many years ago when I was about 13 or 14, I was standing in the headmaster’s office being reprimanded for something, I forget what now. I say that in a casual way as if to suggest I was an edgy bad girl but the truth is, I was probably being lectured yet again about not applying myself enough. The same headmaster would later shout at me in front of everyone in the corridor that I had a bad attitude and would be lucky to get a job in a shop if I didn’t buck up my ideas.
Anyway, during this no doubt yawnworthy dressing down, the phone rang on his desk and to this day I have no idea why but I picked it up. I’ll recap that last bit for you:
I…PICKED. UP. HIS. PHONE.
Like, I picked up his landline phone and said “Hello?” into the receiver before I, and indeed he, realised what I had done. I can’t remember what happened afterwards because the ground literally split in two and I fell through it to the core of the Earth where I was burnt to a crisp with shame. And I think he was too shocked to really bollock me so I got off quite lightly.
I have no idea why this particular memory has risen to the top of my consciousness now (I do know and I’ll outline it below*) but it has been quite amusing to revisit. I mean, I was a dork at school and that action is almost too sassy for its own good. What the hell was going through my head?
Anyway, it’s got me to thinking about all the horribly cringeworthy things I have done in my life and how they knit together to form the person typing this post. I’ve been a dickhead a lot but I suppose I wouldn’t change a thing because these stories are the ones that make people laugh.
If I hadn’t once walked into a wall and knocked myself out in front of my college crush to the point that he had to physically catch me, would my life have turned out different? Probably – but I don’t think it would have been as good as this one and I know I wouldn’t be the person I am right now.
Now please tell me your most cringey anecdotes? I need to know I’m not alone.
*I accidentally signed off a phone call with our security guard with “I love you”. EEEEK.