I’m thinking of holding an audition for a new best friend.

I used to have one. The same one for fifteen years but the relationship grew toxic in the end and it had to stop. Even though my life has been infinitely calmer and better in the time since, I can’t pretend I don’t miss having a BFF.

I guess honestly I do miss her too. But there’s no going back. Too much water under the bridge, too much life lived.

Maybe I’m ready to belong to someone again? The exact opposite of what I said three years ago. I am very good at being my own bestie. I treat myself better than anyone else ever could, and I know what I need. I’m what they call self-aware.

But sometimes I still feel sad I don’t have that one ride or die. I have close friends, don’t get me wrong. I love them dearly and they love me – but they all have their own best friends.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just the fact it was ‘Best Friends Day’ yesterday and Instagram was awash with lovely tributes but I’m lamenting the topic hard this morning. I’ll get over it soon and go back to the stance that I’m happy as I am – and I am – but let me have this now.

Is true Best Friendship for me like true romantic love? Is there only one big one to be had in this lifetime?*

(I have to be clear this isn’t a reflection on any of my friendships, they’re all important and also, any one of them is eligible to audition for title of Ultimate BFF).

Silly, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter. I guess we all just compare ourselves to what everybody else has. I haven’t been short changed and I don’t need someone to label me to live a happy life. It’s just sometimes, in the dark moments before I drop off to sleep, this is one of the things I think about.

Oh, and things I’m looking for in the ideal best friend?

  • Funny
  • Can keep a secret
  • Non-jealous
  • Understands I’m an anxious wreck
  • Respects my need for space

I don’t mind a boy, a girl or non-binary human being, I don’t care about age. Just a decent person who accepts me for who I am.

Know anyone?

This post is brought to you in part tongue-in-cheek.

*I’m not even sure about this.


  1. Personally I don’t believe there is a one size fits all bestie. Or one big one for everyone as you put it. I myself have several people I’d call bestie atm. A work bestie. An across the pond bestie (and I know you have one of those). An oldest friendship bestie. A “my person” bestie (Greys Anatomy reference there). I get different kinds of love and support from each of them. And over time I’ve come to know what I can rely on them for. Need someone to give me tough love – go to the oldest friendship. Need unwavering emotional hand holding – call My Person. Want a drinking buddy – that’s the work bestie. Need someone to chat to at 3am – across the pond bestie will be there. I’m not saying you’re wrong, for some people there will be one and that’s it. But maybe open yourself to the possibilities that multiple besties mean? Also I’m not that funny but I can definitely be a blog supporting bestie if you ever need one!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha thank you, I would like that. Same on all you say above, and I’m not saying necessarily that there is one – who knows, it’s something I’m just thinking about. I’ve got lots of besties and I’ll always be open to that x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For sure I feel people should celebrate their friendships–good lord, are they undervalued in comparison with romantic relationships. But I totally feel you, and it’s kind of odd to me the emphasis people put on having best friends, especially long after childhood? It seems like just another way our culture is obsessed with ranking things.
    You are one of my favorite humans in the history of the world, for the record. 💖💖💖


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