Day: June 9, 2019

Peelers

I sort of panic chose this movie because I’m disgustingly disorganised and I thought: strippers fighting tooth and nail against the infected? What’s not to love? Well…

I should also DISCLAIMER this and say I got distracted a couple of times so this review might not be fully accurate.

A small town strip club owner must defend her bar, her strippers and her life when violent infected patrons show up on the final closing night and all hell breaks loose.

Wren WalkerCaz Odin DarkoMadison J. Loos

We open with an attack on a lone nurse in a small-town hospital as she does her nightly rounds. It’s not clear what’s wrong with her patient but he’s clearly not doing amazing sweetie, as he’s oozing an oily black substance from every orifice and throwing up literal tar. The poor nurse doesn’t last long and neither do her colleagues – and we’re left in no doubt that something here is rotten in Denmark.

Meanwhile, biker babe (and former baseball player) Blue Jean (Walker) is about to sell her road-side strip club to a horrible property developer who has designs on the land for some reason. It doesn’t matter too much to her though given that she’s about to skip town but she does hope for a successful last night. Strippers Frankie, Licorice and Baby – and new girl Tina – are on hand to flash the flesh to ensure this happens.

Barkeep Tony and hired muscle Remy (Odin Darko) keep the riff raff in check, though the latter is more inclined to be mooning after his boss and sending her anonymous bouquets of flowers. Closing night heats up considerably when a group of Mexican mine workers arrive to celebrate. But, as the tequila flows so does the gross black vomit.

Unfortunately, the hot and compact club isn’t the ideal place for an infected patron and the sickness quickly spreads. The mine workers are first – and we find out soon enough that the reason for their festivities isn’t a birthday as they claim, but a celebration because they’ve struck oil. Not normal oil though, oh no, evil oil that turns humans into zombies.

What follows is absolute carnage and I’m not talking about Baby’s water show on the main stage…

There’s not all that much to say really. Blue Jean’s part-time criminal son Logan (Loos) turns up and together they’re forced to get the staff and fight zombies to the death. Which is easier said than done really.

This film isn’t amazing but it’s also not terrible and I think they’ve made an effort to build up some of the characters, which helps. Blue Jean rides a police issue motorcycle and pines for her troubled son and a dead husband (?). She doesn’t suffer fools and has an astute arse-hat radar which is handy in this line of work. The fact she used to be a ball-player certainly sets her up for survival – and with the help of her lucky bat ‘Junior’, how can she lose?

The other girls don’t do so well but they aren’t just tits with no personalities and that’s cool. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but I think the only real negative assessment of the womens’ career choices comes from the nefarious developer, who calls Blue a “small-town stripper” more than once and mocks her intellect.

The gore factor is high with this one – and it’s a no-go area if you’re not keen on puke and/or internal organs flying across the screen. There are a couple of noteworthy scenes and one of them – involving one of the dancers’ who has literally just given birth – is not for the faint-hearted.

Not much is explained which is fine, some things just are what they are – but it seems the secret oil well isn’t so secret and some people have a vested interested in its deep, ominous pool. Will they get their way?

I wouldn’t say this is a particularly feminist movie (it very much has the male gaze in mind) but Blue holds her own. She’s also very talented with a baseball and not in the traditional sense either – I’m almost jealous.

Film details:

Peelers
Year: 2016
Director: Sevé Schelenz
IMDB Rating: 4.1/10
My Rating: 2.5/5

What does my love think of Peelers? Would she get it a sweater or dirty dance with it to a filthy beat? Find out here.

Best Friends Day

I’m thinking of holding an audition for a new best friend.

I used to have one. The same one for fifteen years but the relationship grew toxic in the end and it had to stop. Even though my life has been infinitely calmer and better in the time since, I can’t pretend I don’t miss having a BFF.

I guess honestly I do miss her too. But there’s no going back. Too much water under the bridge, too much life lived.

Maybe I’m ready to belong to someone again? The exact opposite of what I said three years ago. I am very good at being my own bestie. I treat myself better than anyone else ever could, and I know what I need. I’m what they call self-aware.

But sometimes I still feel sad I don’t have that one ride or die. I have close friends, don’t get me wrong. I love them dearly and they love me – but they all have their own best friends.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just the fact it was ‘Best Friends Day’ yesterday and Instagram was awash with lovely tributes but I’m lamenting the topic hard this morning. I’ll get over it soon and go back to the stance that I’m happy as I am – and I am – but let me have this now.

Is true Best Friendship for me like true romantic love? Is there only one big one to be had in this lifetime?*

(I have to be clear this isn’t a reflection on any of my friendships, they’re all important and also, any one of them is eligible to audition for title of Ultimate BFF).

Silly, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter. I guess we all just compare ourselves to what everybody else has. I haven’t been short changed and I don’t need someone to label me to live a happy life. It’s just sometimes, in the dark moments before I drop off to sleep, this is one of the things I think about.

Oh, and things I’m looking for in the ideal best friend?

  • Funny
  • Can keep a secret
  • Non-jealous
  • Understands I’m an anxious wreck
  • Respects my need for space

I don’t mind a boy, a girl or non-binary human being, I don’t care about age. Just a decent person who accepts me for who I am.

Know anyone?

This post is brought to you in part tongue-in-cheek.

*I’m not even sure about this.